It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
