I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
The Olympian is in my bed
Randomize
