Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It's blow job season.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
