White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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