I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
only if we run a train.
done.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
