Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize