I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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