YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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