I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
