Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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