Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
