OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize