Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You've changed since you got that strap on
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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