walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
