I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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