Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
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