You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
