Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
