he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
