Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
