I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
