My underwear smells like fireworks.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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