nut hugger
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
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