What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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