yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
