I just threw up on my dentist
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
