would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
