new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize