I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Randomize
