He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
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