ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
