Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
