I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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