there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
