So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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