so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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