You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
