so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
