We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
