I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Randomize
