meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
