i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
