do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
