one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
