checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
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