Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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