Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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