Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
