just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
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