i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
