I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Randomize
