last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
