You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He felt like a one man threesome
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize