Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Randomize
