Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
