Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize