oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
