I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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