Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Randomize
