The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
