i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize