we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
