How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
