Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
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