it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
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