When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Randomize
