weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
