How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
