Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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