I will die if light touches me.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
