it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
