the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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