Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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